Sting's Deadbeat Cousins, or: Divinatory Item Generator

So, the Hobbit is pretty great, right?

Pinterest is the bane of my existence but I did manage to find the original source for this image (by theGorgonist)

Sting: Dagger that Glows when Orcs are near

Item that Action when Category is near

Item d20

1. Dagger
2. Sword 
3. Spear
4. Axe
5. Mace
6. Hammer
7. Halberd
8. Bow
9. Crossbow
10. Rifle
11. Pistol
12. Shield
13. Breastplate
14. Helmet
15. Ring
16. Necklace
17. Gauntlets 
18. Boots 
19. Skull
20. Tome

Action d20

1. Glows
2. Changes Color
3. Emits a Beam of Light
4. Screams
5. Moans Pleasurably
6. Vibrates
7. Freezes
8. Burns
9. Strobes
10. Smells of Farts
11. Smells of Flowers
12. Leaks Blood
13. Recites Scripture
14. Becomes Heavier
15. Levitates
16. Smokes
17. Moistens
18. Plays Music
19. Whispers Psychically
20. Turns Invisible

Category d20

1. Orcs
2. Humans
3. Elves
4. Dwarves
5. Goblins
6. Dumb Undead
7. Intelligent Undead
8. Predatory Animals
9. Herd Animals
10. Birds
11. Books
12. Alcohol
13. Demons
14. Ghosts
15. Royalty
16. Criminals
17. Wealthy People
18. Liars
19. Virgins
20. Sluts (anyone who has had sex recently and enjoyed it, even a little) 

Most of the results for "witch hut" are Minecraft, which, in retrospect, makes sense (by Tiana Maros)

The Shop
The shop is run by an old, old man who has been old for as long as anyone can remember. They call him The Shopkeeper in the Woods. He loves mysteries, especially the mystery of what his magic items do, and he’ll encourage the players to buy the cheapest items. If killed, he Obi-Wans out (with all his items and cash) and returns the next time someone visits the shop, gently admonishing his killers if they return. If they kill him a second time, they will never be able to find the shop again.

At every visit, the shop has 5 items for sale, all rolled randomly. They count as magic for the purposes of hitting ghosts and werewolves or whatever.

1. Two unlabeled items, each a bit cheaper than a silvered sword
2. An item with its action labeled, 2x the price of the unlabeled items
3. An item with its category labeled, 3x the price of the unlabeled items
4. An item with both its action and category labeled, 4x the price of the unlabeled items

Tables for items like these would probably be cool, too (xkcd)

Betty Bacontime has her own version of this table here.
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