Sunday, September 22, 2019


Hell’s invasion of the moon Asphodel increased its metaphysical gravity, and some souls from other moons get trapped on the the new pseudo-hell rather than continuing to their proper afterlife. They reincarnate on Asphodel, now known as Pilgrims, remembering their death but not their judgement. Some devote themselves a more virtuous life, atoning for a past life’s perceived sins. Some throw themselves into hedonism, knowing their gift could easily shatter. Almost every Pilgrim clings dearly to their second chance at life.

The Reapers are entities dedicated to gathering up these escaped souls and returning them to their journey. They are the manifestation of powerful metaphysical forces, but they are not invulnerable, and they can be evaded. If killed or thwarted, the Reapers reform elsewhere after 24 hours but lose interest in whoever they were targeting.

Death can afford to play games. When you gamble with your life, the house always wins. (Source)

The Grim

Grim Reaper. Hooded, cloaked skeleton. Chill but not talkative. Not mean to Pilgrims, but also no great comfort. Appears in a doorway when no one is looking.

HD 8; Armor as Leather; Move 2; Scythe d12
Scythe hits everyone adjacent to the Grim at once. If damaged to 0 HP, save; if you fail, your fate is sealed and you will die in exactly 3 rounds—nothing can kill you until then, but you will die instantly.

You may bargain for your soul (if dead) or the souls of others (if alive) by playing a game with the Grim. If you win, you and any other agreed-upon souls go free and the Grim leaves. If you fail, both your soul and the others are taken to the afterlife. You can pick the game but the Grim has veto power. Rock Paper Scissors and Connect 4 are popular.

The Angel will be sympathetic as it lets fall a radiant deathblow.  (Luca Giordano)

The Angel

White robes, dove wings. Constantly attempting to comfort the Pilgrims. Its efforts would be more effective if it weren’t trying to kill them with a flaming sword. Walks up like a normal person and tries to ease Pilgrims into their second death before revealing its angelic form.

HD 8; Armor as Leather; Move 2 Fly; Flaming Sword 2d6
Cannot enter any blessed building. Also easily engaged in conversation or bribed with food.

Look, subtlety is not my strong suit, okay? Sometimes you just need a flaming skull in your campaign and that's that (Source)

The Rider

Flaming Skull Head. Motorcycle, dark clothes, lots of spikes and chains and belt buckles. Yells threats and curses and revs the engine.

HD 6; Armor as Chain; Move 10 Motorcycle; Roadkill 2d6 + Knock Prone OR 1d8 Chain Whip
Leaves a trail of fire.
Has to slow down to a stop to turn on the spot. Cannot detach from the motorcycle, so it cannot go anywhere you cannot effectively maneuver a motorcycle.

The death of a person is a tragedy. The death of ecosystems is a constant. (Marek Madej)

The Wild

Huge Humanoid Skeleton with Deer Skull and glowing red eyes, roots knotted around its joints. Plants wither of disease around it and animals lay down to bleed out. Makes a constant low buzzing sound.

HD 8; Armor as Leather; Move 1 Float; Laceration Field 1d6 (15’ radius)
Laceration Field damages all living creatures within 15 feet of the Wild.
The Wild is Vulnerable to fire; it fears and takes double damage from it.

The Deadbolt soundtrack is AMAZING and you should listen to it. The game is also pretty awesome. Seriously. (Soundtrack)

The Marksman

Bleached skull head, brown trench coat, not very large. Careful to protect its fragile, near-mortal body. Mute.

HD 4; Armor as Plate; Move 1.5; Revolver 1d8/Revolver 1d8 OR Sledgehammer 1d12
Each of the Marksman’s two Revolvers has only 6 shots.
Cover: It can hide behind cover to upgrade its Armor to Plate and Shield.
Ash: It can transform into a cloud of ash to become invincible or reach somewhere it couldn’t normally (no attacks as ash).

d5 Random Encounters with the Reapers

  1. Old, old farmer pretending not to be home with a Reaper at the door
  2. Ragged person sprinting across the landscape, Reaper in pursuit
  3. Bandit gang facing down a Reaper on the road. The leader is terrified
  4. A Reaper approaches the party and asks the players about the whereabouts of the last NPC they spoke with. They’re good at detecting lies, but not supernaturally so
  5. A Reaper has caught the trail of a member of the party 

Every time I go to google Deadbolt I forget that that's also just, like, an object, and get a bunch of pictures of these (Buy It I Guess??)

Thursday, September 19, 2019

6 Hellish Hexes

I've been plugging away at Hellwalkers for a little bit now, mostly keying hexes. There are 216 on the map; my goal is to key at least 108 of them. Here are a few, not in any particular order. They're a bit wordy, but this is my first draft for personal use; I would like to polish this hexcrawl eventually to the point where other people can run it. In the meantime, check this out.

Like this but red and with a hammer and with glowing eyes (Castlevania Wiki)


Demon Forge Hammer on an acropolis, guarded by a Demon Blacksmith. He will give it up if the adventurers can best him in honorable combat. The Hammer actually is the Blacksmith; the humanoid body is projected from it. He was employed in creating the chains that hold the great demon Asphodel at the planet’s core, and has no love of it nor the Order of Asphodel, which he knows was probing for the secrets of the original demon binders (space elves). In order to carry the Hammer, a person must cut off their own hand; in its place, a demonic armored gauntlet will grow to hold it. If it is given away to another person, the new wielder must also cut off their hand; the original wielder will be left with a (healthy) stump.

Demon Blacksmith: A huge hollow suit of hoplite armor, blood-red but shiny and neat. Its eyes are embers.
HD: 6, Armor as Plate, Move 1.5, Hammer 2d6
Chains From Below: Summons chains from below to restrain every creature within 10’ of a point (60’ range). The Blacksmith can restrain itself with this by accident.
During duels, won’t incur permanent injuries or kill opponents.

Loot: Demon Forge Hammer. Main Hand, d8 damage, Sapient Demon Blacksmith personality. Imparts expert blacksmithing knowledge to wielder. Throwable, and returns to its hand. Can vaporize a creature’s armor 1/day.

(Wikimedia Commons)


The Eclipse Fountain. A concrete fountain built before the apocalypse, now covered in a web of deep cracks filled with obsidian and marked by the Order of Asphodel. It has inscriptions depicting an eclipse. The water is crystal clear and carbonated. If someone drinks it, they gain a Mutation, and the rest of the water in the fountain loses its carbonation and mutagenic effects. It recarbonates and becomes mutagenic again after every eclipse (every 5 days).

(Matthias Withoos)


The Graveyard of Stones (O03). There are concrete headstones from the Old World weathered to illegibility, but there are also newer cairns and driftwood gravemarkers and a few recently-carved stone headstones. Many of them have a prayer carved into them: “May your rest be dark and deep / Though your absence we may weep / Asphodel will break your sleep / Granting you new company to keep.” 

Gandalf if Gandalf had died in the first five minutes of the Lord of the Rings (DanielRound on DeviantArt)


Strontium Carbonate, the Firework Wizard. He died in a Firework Accident on a medieval fantasy world before reincarnating as a Pilgrim. He’s very confused. He has an entire cart full of regular, physical fireworks. He can shoot tiny flares from his fingers and blow animated smoke rings at will. He has 5 scrolls of Firework and keeps the spell Finale safely in his mind; he is good friends with it. It is the original owner of his name, Strontium Carbonate, and he confers with it frequently. He will gladly trade a large amount of fireworks and a scroll of Firework for directions to safety.

R: 500’ T: Point D: 1 round
Launch a firework. Casts light in a 100’ radius. Deals d6 burn damage to anyone it hits directly and lights fires in particularly flammable objects. If cast with 2 or more [dice], the firework can be animated.

R: 2000’ T: 100’ Radius Sphere D: [dice] rounds
Launch a dazzling display of fireworks into an area, in whichever pattern you desire. Creatures inside the area of effect take d6 damage every round and must Save or be Blinded. It lights fires on all flammable surfaces.

Uhhhhh have this concrete disk I guess (This Photo Website)


A concrete disk 100’ across webbed with obsidian and marked by the Order of Asphodel. In the center, there’s a glass disk 5’ across set level with the rest of the disk. Under the glass, gold glints. The concrete and glass are frictionless--anything that moves onto the disk slides slowly across the entire thing. If anything is on top of the glass disk, a 60-second countdown flickers to life in the glass and mechanisms whir; at the end, the glass disk retracts, allowing access to the treasure. It resets if the pressure is released, though, like if an adventurer skids briefly across it.

Loot: 500c in pre-invasion gold coins, Frictionless Boots, 3 Flasks of Ultragrease (covers 10’ radius), Scroll of Grease

Pictured: a deadly weapon, at least for this guy (Rocks)


Tomb of the Blade-Proof Demon, a small concrete bunker in a cliff. It has a vault marked by the Order of Asphodel and a sarcophagus with a pentagram and an inscription. The inscription reads “An Invincible Demon guards this cache. It must be killed to access the vault. Drop blood on the pentagram to summon the guardian and learn its doom.” If the pentagram is activated, new words will burn themselves onto the inscription: “No weapon nor tool nor spell forged of mortal hands can harm the guardian.” Then the Blade-Proof Demon will emerge from the sarcophagus, non-hostile but inordinately smug. If he is killed, the vault opens, revealing the treasure.

Blade-Proof Demon: A red man in a flowery swimming suit. He’s not particularly strong or tough looking, but he is inordinately smug. He’ll dare people to attack him, just to prove his invincibility. He is easily bored and will wander away from crowded areas after a bit.
HD 3; Armor as Leather; Move 1; Longsword d8
The Blade-Proof Demon does not take damage from any weapon, spell, or other object made by a mortal person. Takes regular damage from punches, bites, rocks, falls, and other such things.

Loot: 500c, Tortoise Cloak: Crouch down to make yourself immobile and invincible, but it takes a full minute to get back up.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

d100 Discordant Wizard Names

I've been playing Wargroove recently. It's pretty good, I recommend it (Wargroove Wiki)

The OSR Discord is pretty cool. We have a channel called #d100-democracy, where you can present a prompt--say, “d100 Wizard Names”--and everyone contributes entries until the table is full. Here’s a fun prompt I presented, with entries by Me, Madilynn, Lexi, Screwhead Mcduff, Duan’duliir, and Madeline. This one took about a half hour and recharged my sanity meter as I stared at homework.

d100 Discordant Wizard Names

  1. Strontium Carbonate
  2. Teleflatullus Loim
  3. Gandalf Two
  4. Frank
  6. Majavrat Imbain
  7. Damn-Your-Hide Benedictus
  8. Gronk
  9. I Was Cursed By Another Wizard To Have No Name
  10. Jesus H. Christ
  11. Frumpulous Maximus
  12. Frumpulous Minimus
  13. Snake-Dick Richard
  14. Fhezh
  15. Watcha Mackalit
  16. [indecipherable dolphin chirping]
  17. [The entire text of a holy book, given with the intent of pushing the wizard-to-be into a life of devotion and holiness. Failed dramatically.]
  18. Griffin McElroy
  19. Wouldja Lickmaeyes
  20. Toppler-of-Thrones
  21. Weeper of Stones
  22. Paul Gregson
  23. Greg Paulson
  24. Greg Paulgregson
  25. Chuffield Dandelion
  26. Lamly Whistler
  27. That Bastard Charley
  28. Vrikkit Shrarm
  29. Nalasvashayshea Murr
  30. The First
  32. Our Lady of Towers
  33. Ashleaigh
  34. Chrikkee Rih’key
  35. Attendant to the Almighty Dave
  36. Elizabeth Darcy
  37. The Magnificent Perdenson, Humblest Of All Time
  38. 1110101100001101
  39. Vang0 Bang0
  40. Rover
  41. Casterman
  43. Mouse the Meek
  44. Argus Harmagion
  45. Eternity
  46. Help, I’m Trapped In A Wizard Factory
  47. Who, Me?
  48. Clone #49
  49. Halfway
  50. John v1.13.6
  51. Plimpvester Multiphoni
  52. Halipia Foc’sul
  53. Comrade Perkins
  54. Captain Jorts
  55. I Sacrificed My Name As A Ritual Component For A Summoning Spell And All I Got Was This Lousy Explanation
  56. Thunderdora the Stormbringer
  57. Robert’); DROP TABLE Wizards;--
  58. Bort
  59. It Turns Out Genies Can Grant Their Own Wishes And If You Piss One Off Enough They’ll Wish You A Different Name As A Warning To All Wizardkind
  60. Zeus
  61. Antizeus
  62. Bless You
  63. Fighter
  64. Thief
  65. One Hundred Wizard Names
  66. Dee Twennedy
  67. Lassie Timmifriend, Protector of the Sheepfolk
  68. Nice
  69. Shim Shorum Shalamey
  70. Porchrus Velps
  71. Lord Vape Dragon
  72. The East Wind
  73. Sprimtus Kleng
  74. Count Ting Is Hard
  75. Madeiliynne
  76. TIN
  77. John Darkmoon
  78. xX_Slayer_420_Xx
  79. Poxy Bastard
  80. Who?
  81. U
  82. Bzzzrt-gachunkachunk-f’CLANG
  84. Echo echo echo co co
  85. Your Name
  86. No, Who Are YOU?
  87. This Space Intentionally Left Blank
  88. Ay-Ayron
  89. Professor Doctor Masters, PhD
  90. Bae
  91. UwU
  92. [dabbing]
  93. OwO
  94. Best Beloved
  95. Jeeves
  96. Tablesmasher Hodgkins
  97. Whoops
  98. Luft Balloons
  99. Trvor
  100. The Quiet After The End Of Time

A Noise Wizard (Wargroove Wiki)

A Necromancer (Wargroove Wiki)