Hobbits Do Not Exist

Long ago, Arnold K at Goblin Punch wrote Centerra. Its approach to gonzo vanilla fantasy has been almost as influential on the GLOG community as the GLOG itself. Recently, however, Lexi and Gorinich have written new takes on Dwarves, Elves, and Goblins, new attempts to reconcile standard fantasy tropes with the gonzo systems we love so dearly. I like them a lot! And I decided to look back at the origins of Hobbits and spin something new for this New GLOG Canon of ours. I vote we call it Intermediate Soil.

I could (and probably will, at some point) write an entire post on how this cover is the single greatest influence on my RPG stuff (Source)

"What is a hobbit? I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us. They are (or were) a little people, about half our height, and smaller than the bearded Dwarves. Hobbits have no beards. There is little or no magic about them, except the ordinary everyday sort which helps them to disappear quietly and quickly when large stupid folk like you and me come blundering along, which they can hear a mile off."
— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit



Hobbits do not exist. That’s what most people would have you believe, anyway, and the Hobbits are happy to keep it that way.

A Hobbit community is called a Suburb. They’re built mostly in human cities, in alleys and on rooftops hanging off the walls. Most people never see them, though, or more accurately, never notice them. Hobbits have a peculiar sort of magic: they can simply choose not to be perceived. This magic is built into their dwellings, which are likewise imperceptible, and surprisingly spacious, too, if you’re ever invited into one. They’ll say it’s just good use of space. Hobbit pockets are likewise deep, and children’s stories have long held that it was a Hobbit that made the first Seven League Boots. (Wizards hate such stories, and will insist that only pure arcane magic can facilitate quick travel and extradimensional pockets. The Hobbits will always agree with a smile, though the Wizards rarely notice their presence in the first place).

It's tough to find any buildings on top of other buildings, but this is a building with more stuff inside of it than it should have (Source)

Nobody knows what baby Hobbits look like, because they have yet to master their imperception. As they get older, they slowly reveal themselves to those they trust most, and then to Hobbit society at large. Teen Hobbits still lack full control over their ability and will often *pop!* out of existence in arguments, and even adults under extreme stress will sometimes disappear involuntarily. Elderly Hobbits spend less and less time visible, spending their last appearances saying goodbye to friends and family. Nobody has ever seen a Hobbit die. They know when their time has come, and prefer to preserve their grace. Hobbits record their genealogies with zeal, and give gifts to others on their own birthdays; there are no Hobbit graveyards, but they still wish to be remembered.

See Invisibility magic does nothing to reveal a Hobbit, and Sense-Heightening magic will grant you only glimpses. Charm magic is actually the best way to reveal a Hobbit against its will, but you must know roughly where it is first.

Hobbits make friends well with animals and children. A child may insist their parents serve lunch to their imaginary friend; the parents may tell you that it’s just a phase, that they’ll grow out of it. They will, eventually, and a Hobbit will shed a tear for a lost friend. Hobbits also make friends with stray dogs and stray cats and everything that lives and moves, but they especially favor crows and wasps. Crows love games, shinies, food, friends, and life at the edge of the city, as do Hobbits. Hobbits know not to disturb creatures merely living, so they make fast friends with the wasps as well. Displease a Hobbit and you’ll find your purse stolen by crows and your toilet infested with wasps.

Friends (Source)

When war comes, the Hobbits keep their place. Many unjust cities and armies have fallen to “infighting” or “plague” in the course of their hungry conquest. The lords of these armies would do well to learn whether a city has a Hobbit Suburb or not, but there’s no way to learn without trusting the word of the children and the animals. Few commanders will take the warning of a child; those who do are spoken of often in the stories and legends, which most commanders likewise ignore. Conquest is not a business for the wise.

Hobbit Adventurers are attention-seekers. It’s a phase. They like to sing songs of their great deeds and commit audacious thefts. Their imperception magic is warped when they go out adventuring, however: instead of avoiding notice, they avoid questions. You may ask their name, and they’ll embark on a wandering story, and by the end you’ll forget you had ever asked. They’re always the life of the party, but nobody will remember their name when the sun next rises. If you do remember the name of a Hobbit, or the name of a person you believe to be a Hobbit, take note, as they will not easily divulge that information. Your first meeting was likely your fourth or fifth, and they’ve judged that they gain more from your permanent friendship than they would from anonymity. You have been selected.

Hobbits sometimes live at the edge of Elf Utopias, where they carefully maintain the “lucky” escape routes elf rebels stumble on. They live at the entrance of Dwarven Fortress-Emperors and whisper kind advice into their titanic ears. Hobbits likely live in Goblin Cauldron-Grottos, but neither they nor their Goblin friends bother distinguishing themselves if they do, and outsiders certainly could not separate them.

Hobbit Adventurer GLOG Race: Reroll DEX. Imperceptible to anyone not looking for you. Consume 2x Rations.

I think I watched the 1977 Hobbit at one point. The art is certainly better than any adaptation of the Hobbit since. (Source)

The Church of the Immovable Saint and the Immovable Clerics (GLOG Class)

There's really nothing I can add to this (Source)

Immovable Cleric

For every Immovable Cleric template you have, gain 1 HP.

A: Immovable Stance, Stun Punch
B: Suspension, Silence
C: Unmoving Travel, Stun Gaze
D: Saint’s Stance, World Stop

Immovable Stance
Press your palms together and become Immovable. You can still be hurt, injured, and killed.

Stun Punch
When you punch a creature, if their HD is less than 2x[templates], they must Save or be stunned for 1 round.

Suspension
Touch an object (cat-sized or smaller) and suspend its inertia and velocity, leaving it to float midair. If anything else touches the object, it remembers its place and continues on its path. You can maintain [templates]^2 Suspensions.

Silence
Stop the air from vibrating in a 30’ radius around yourself (or smaller), silencing all noise. Lasts 10 min. Usable [templates] times per day.

Unmoving Travel
You have mastered the art of travel without movement. Teleport 60’. Usable [templates] times per day.

Stun Gaze
Force a creature you can see with less than 2x[templates] HD to Save or be stunned for 1 round.

Saint’s Stance
You master the Immovable Stance. When you press your palms together, you become invulnerable as well as Immovable.

World Stop
Stop the world instead of yourself. You may move around as you please with everything you’re carrying but cannot interact with anything else. If you attack as you end the World Stop, it is automatically a crit. Lasts one subjective hour. Usable 1/day.

An early adherent before the full split from the larger Church of the Authority (Darkest Dungeon is still cool)

The Church of the Immovable Saint

Once, long ago, there was a priest named Seymour who met a band of cursed vagabonds. They were pursued by a monster, huge and terrible, which returned after every death with sharper teeth and longer claws to torment its targets.

“Seymour!” they beseeched, “Free us from this curse! By the power of the Authority, slay this Inexorable Beast!”

Seymour, filled with kindness, took refuge with the vagabonds in the forest, and when the beast approached, struck it down with holy water and blessed blades. As they cheered him, he died of his wounds, and from his corpse grew a beautiful tree—the Authority raised him up as an example to us all, standing firm as an oak even in death.

The Church of the Immovable Saint was born to praise the Authority through Saint Seymour. Our teachings are simple:

Defend the weak.
Draw strength from your allies.
Do not falter.

Our martial forms are passed down from Seymour himself and allow us to enact our third precept quite literally. It is the other two, however, that make the Church what it is—even faced with persecution, on trial as heretics, we endured.

On the moon of Asphodel, now invaded by hell, the Church of the Immovable Saint thrives. It was brought by devotees from other worlds and flourished, its simple message of solidarity inspiring thousands to survive the demons. We weather the storm together.

None of that is true, of course.

Or not quite none.

There was a man named Seymour, and an Inexorable Beast. The Church is real, too, and its martial practices.

But the real Seymour was a corrupt Bishop, interested more in worldly affairs than any relationship with the divine. The vagabonds were adventurers seeking his help with a curse, a curse they no doubt brought upon themselves.

They saw his greed and took advantage of it, all while plotting his downfall—after he blessed the land, they slew the beast themselves, then poisoned the bishop and turned the evidence—his very body—into a tree. The Church of the Immovable Saint venerates his steadiness, but he couldn’t maintain his last alliance long enough to celebrate their victory. He holds no greater power. It is a deeply heretical sect of an ancient, corrupt religion.

There are, of course, the martial forms. They are harder to explain. The Saint’s elite Clerics can move in an instant, or paralyze a man with a glance. The greatest of their order can stop time itself. How?

It is not Seymour granting these abilities. Did the Authority take mercy on the heretical fools and grant them their fantastic idol? Does the act of worship itself grant their power? Did they merely stumble on the right words, the right motions, to unlock a strength wholly mundane?

It is impossible to say. What is clear is that the Church has thrived on Asphodel. Its few clerics have spent their years fighting the demons, and its adherents unify the remaining towns. Even those just tens of miles from the Demon Citadel still stand under their banner. Perhaps there is strength in the Church after all—in defense of others, in allies, in unyielding kindness. 

Moonhop is Now for Sale!

Hey! You can get Moonhop as a PDF on DriveThruRPG for $2.99! 

 

 

You can still get it for free from this blog post as well. If you've already checked it out, leave me a review on DriveThruRPG! If you haven't, go check it out!

Rats, Snakes, and Small Swarms of Bees (Critter Master GLOG Class)

Oops, I accidentally dropped pictures of a bunch of cute critters all over this post, my bad (Wikipedia)

Way back in the dark pre-GLOG ages, Arnold wrote a Rat Master. I wrote an animal-agnostic, GLOG-compatible version.

Critter Master 

You can call one critter per minute, to a max of [templates] cubed (1, 8, 27, 64).

A: Critter Friend, Commander
B: Bond, Blessing
C: Dire Critter, Critter Form
D: Reinforce, Dire Form

Critter Friend
Pick a type of critter, for example: rats, spiders, snakes, pigeons, or small swarms of bees. You can speak to them, and they can speak to you, and they treat you with respect. Supernatural critters might not be respectful. You can call out for critters almost anywhere, crawling forth from nooks and crannies. You can call one critter/minute, to a max of [templates]^3 (1, 8, 27, 64).

Commander
You can command your critters in combat (in addition to acting yourself). Critters deal damage in clumps. They deal 1dX damage, where X is the amount of critter in the clump, maxing out at 1d12. Only one clump can attack a target at a time. When attacked, Clumps are unarmored and have X HP, and when hit by an AoE attack a clump must Save or Die, with half surviving on a success. You can order critters to explore and perform other tasks, but they’re not very smart.

Bond
You can sense the locations of your called critters.

Blessing
You take on some aspect of of your critter (rat agility, spiderclimb, snake venom, bee sting). Abilities should be active and have [template] uses/day.

Dire Critter
Take 10 minutes to call a dog-sized version of your critter. It counts as 8 critters toward your cap. Stats are 1 HD, Armor as Leather, 1d8 damage, plus whatever else the critter would have.

Critter Form
You can transform into your critter.

Reinforce
Once per day, you can call any number of critters up to your cap in one combat round.

Dire Form
You can shift between normal, critter, person-sized critter, and part-normal-part-critter forms.

Snek!!!

Design Notes

I like this class. I really like the growth from one little buddy to a whole horde of them. The werewolf-ish stuff is fun, too. I think this class is pretty straightforward, but I also think it has a good toolset for solving OSR-style challenges.

So far, this class has been tested in two sessions: once with snakes and once with pigeons. Both times went well: the uses of A Single Snake and A Single Pigeon are very intuitive and helpful, even when you don’t have any other class abilities.

Since we’re finally done with the Primary Trio of classes, there’s a lot less Design Theory going on. These are just for fun.

Look at this small friend! Stay away from me though, small friend! I'm low-key scared of you! You are a good small friend, though!

Pigeons! They can be cute too! (Wikipedia)

Drawing the line at spiders, sorry, so have Lucas instead (His series is great)

It's actually illegal for me to go an entire class post without including Darkest Dungeon. Picture this but it's a swarm of 30 dachsunds instead (Darkest Dungeon!!)

A Conduit for Poor Decisions (GLOG Wizard Foundation Class)

Unquestionably a GLOG Wizard. The skull is probably a familiar. (Darkest Dungeon: still cool)

So, GLOG people like Wizards. Here’s my basic template for them, rounding out my Primary Class Trio. It’s adapted primarily from this Coins and Scrolls Class.

Wizard

For every Wizard template you have, gain 1 Mana Dice (MD).

A: Wizard Features, School Features, +2 Spells Known (1-6)
B: Spell Breeding, Call Familiar, +1 Spell Known (1-8)
C: Wizard Vision, +1 Spell Known (1-10)
D: Arcane Communion, +1 Spell Known (1-10)

Wizard Features

Mana Dice (MD)
You get 1 per Wizard template. They are d6s. Whenever you cast a spell, you choose how many MD to invest into it (minimum 1). The result of the spell depends on the number of [dice] and their [sum]. If a MD rolls a 1-3, it returns to your pool to be used again. Otherwise, you lose it until you get a night of sleep. You can’t cast without MD.

Spells
They’re stored either in your mind or on scrolls/spellbooks, in “Spell Slots.” Spells stored on scrolls/spellbooks can be cast once per day. Spells stored in your mind can be cast as many times per day as you want. You can move spells between your mind and your spellbook every morning. There are two ways to acquire spells: levelling up, and stealing them from the spellbooks of other wizards.

+Spells Known
Every time you gain a Wizard template, you gain a new Mind Spell Slot and a new Spell, rolled randomly on your school list (more on that later). You start out with two Mind Spell Slots and two Spells.

Identify
By licking an object, you can tell whether or not it is magical.

School Features

Spell List
Every Wizard School has a list of 11+ spells associated with it. You roll randomly for them each time you take a Wizard template: 1d6 for the A template, 1d8 for B, and 1d10 for C and D. Later spells are Emblem spells that you must quest for.

Perk/Drawback
A passive bonus/penalty.

Cantrips
Minor magical abilities you can use as often as you like.

Mishaps/Dooms
Mishaps occur when you roll doubles on your MD. They’re potentially dangerous magic accidents. Dooms occur when you roll triples. There are three, and they occur in order. They will end your wizardly career or kill you if you don’t quest to avoid your Doom.

Level 2+ Features

Spell Breeding
With a night of work, you can breed (destroy) two spells you know or have on scrolls to learn a new spell, rolled randomly from your school spell list.

Call Familiar
You may call to a familiar, a magical spirit. The familiar will appear in 1d20 hours. You must then bargain with it for its service. They like ambition and valuable sacrifices. Roll under INT (bonus/penalty depending on bargaining); if it fails, no familiar will ever appear for you in this location again, but if it succeeds, the familiar agrees to a mutually binding magical contract. Your familiar will serve you to your last drop of ambition.

Familiars can provide a Service once/day. For each Service, you owe the familiar one Favor. They can be pretty nasty tasks, but failing to fulfill them incurs a Breach of Covenant, which are nasty for you. Everything else dealing with familiars is GM-facing. You are not required to call a familiar.

Familiar Services

1. Detect Magic (for free, ask nicely)
2. Teach you a new spell from your school’s spell list (1d4+1 max, first is free)
3. Allow you to cast a spell from a scroll or spellbook twice in one day
4. Grant you one free MD
5. Exercise its unique power
6. Save you from death, once
7. Anything else you can think to ask of it. Just remember that it will count for a Favor. 

Wizard Vision
You always see invisible things as a faint lensing of light, and can tell roughly how big they are. By making eye contact with someone, you can tell if they are possessed, undead, protected by divinity, or a spellcaster.

Arcane Communion
You can pool your MD with other wizards (including lower level and NPC wizards). Mishaps and Dooms affect all of you.

Ohoho, you thought we were done with Venom, did you? You thought WRONG! (by Mike Hawthorne)

Design Notes

I really like to condense things. It’s fun, I think I’m good at it, and it makes things easier to understand. I’ve been condensing the wizard class since I first played the GLOG; I think this result is good.

I’m not going to talk about school design; Skerples has a good post on the subject over at Coins and Scrolls. I’m also not good at writing wizards—I don’t have any I’m happy with yet, and they’re not very high priority. I’m already spoiled for choice with existing GLOG wizards.

Now, on to the actual notes. Identify is great. It’s simple, it gives players just enough information to freak them out but not enough to help, and it encourages your wizards lick dangerous things. What’s not to love?

My system for spellcasting is sort of the opposite of Vancian casting; instead of having a limited number of more convenient memorized castings and less limited clunky book castings, my wizards can cast their “signature” memorized spells until they run out of MD and scrolls/books are for niche situations. It’s a bit more video-gamey and makes more sense to me. At some point, I might try real vancian casting, but I’m happy with this for now.

Familiars are great. Arnold says it better than I do, so if you want more detail and GM-facing information, head to his post on the subject. I’ve taken his rules and condensed them down to just the player-facing parts. Familiars hit a core theme: wizards are a class for making Poor Decisions. Free MD every day? Nice! Salvation from death? Cool! Horrible demon favors? Ye—wait, uh, what? The biggest issue with this is that I am a total wimp and I’m bad at thinking of good horrible demon favors. (Also I use CHA instead of INT for the roll since I don't have INT as a stat.)

Wizard Vision is another neat Arnold idea I’m formalizing as a wizard class ability. Arnold’s original version involves losing either WIS or CHA, but because I run with STR/DEX/CHA as the only stats and roll them with 3d6-drop-lowest, I don’t do the stat drain.

Arcane Communion is another conduit for Poor Decisions. At 4 MD, the chance for a Mishap is about 70%, and the chance for a Doom is about 10%. It’s not hard to get 8 MD with this ability and a couple first level shmucks, but—while it is very strong—it's also a colossally stupid idea since they’ll all have sparks shooting out of their eyes as the magic goes haywire. It’s perfect. As a side note, Monsieur’s Witch foundation has this ability at first level, but since I find it a bit complex for my tastes, I just decided to move it here.

Wizard Teeth

When a wizard casts a spell, sometimes the magic words get stuck in their teeth. Mostly, this makes them yellowed and crooked, but after a long enough career of magic, serious magical residue builds up. If you—ahem—acquire a set of wizard teeth, you can grind them down to get an iridescent ivory dust. Each charge of Wizard Teeth grants 1 temporary MD to cast with (it still returns on a 1-3, but once it’s gone, it’s gone for good). If you harvest all the teeth from one wizard, you get one charge for each level they had. Non-wizards can use Wizard Teeth to cast from scrolls. This is also the system I use for Moonhop, which is classless by default. I place charges as loot, mostly, but in theory my players could buy Wizard Teeth in a market place or try to find them in the wild.

Alternate Doom Events

Normally, Mishaps occur on doubles and Dooms occur on triples. It's very elegant. It also means that Dooms are impossible until 3rd level, though, and then only when your wizards really let loose with their magic. You can see the chance of Mishaps and Dooms with various amounts of MD in this handy chart, provided by magnificentophat:

I don't have any other pictures of wizards to show you but math is basically magic so

That leaves the chance of Doom too low for my taste, so I'm experimenting with a different system. Every wizard has a stat, let's call it Sanity, that starts at 20. Every time a Mishap occurs (on doubles, as before), they reduce their Sanity by 1, then roll a d20. If it's under their Sanity, all is well! If it's over, they experience a Doom.

I started using this system in my last campaign, and, for the first time, actually had a wizard experience a Doom (he got unlucky and rolled a 19 at Sanity 18). I think it really cements the inevitability of Dooms since any number of MD greater than 1 could bring your fate closer, and I think I've provided enough tempting options to boost MD to make it happen. I haven't done the math on how likely the Dooms actually are, but they'll definitely occur more often at later levels than normal Dooms.

Anything Not Nailed Down is Legally Mine (Thief GLOG Class)

If I can pry it loose, it's not nailed down (if you want to buy this thing do it here I guess)

Next in the Primary Class Triad: Thieves!

Thief

For every Thief template you have, gain +1 Stealth.

A: Wall Crawler, Scrounge
B: Pick 1 Skill, Roll 1 Skill
C: Roll 2 Skills
D: Pick 1 Skill, Roll 1 Skill

Starting Equipment: Roll on Scrounge Table

Wall Crawler
You climb just as well without climbing gear as with it. If a climb would be trivial using gear, you don’t need to roll, even if you’re free-climbing. If a climb would be impossible using gear, you can roll anyway.

Scrounge
Once per session, digging through trash, you can get an item rolled on the Failed Career Table (or another starting item table).

Skills d20

1. Acrobat: You can move an extra 15’ per round (45’ total). You can jump 20’ instead of 10’. Treat your falls as 20’ shorter. You can easily maintain your balance on a taut rope. 
2. Cat’s Eyes: With a little bit of light, you can see 30’ in darkness (no color). 
3. Coward: Cover grants +1 Armor from normal (Low: Armor 2, High: Armor 3)
4. Divine Grunt: 1/day Issue an irresistible one-word command. Only affects: d4 1 Undead, 2 Animals, 3 Plants, 4 Furniture
5. Dog Whisperer: You start with a dog. Dogs you train can DEX Save for stealth with advantage, communicate if an area is obviously dangerous, and track a week-old trail by scent without fail (barring magical concealment). 
6. Fashionable: Fancy clothes provide Armor 1 but don’t take up any Inventory Slots. 
7. Getaway Horse: You start with a horse. Horses you train can DEX Save for stealth with advantage, understand abstract directions, and follow a schedule to the minute. 
8. Lucky: 1/day, reroll one of your d20 rolls. 
9. Opportunist: When you have a situational attack bonus, deal an extra 1d6 damage. 
10. Pack Rat: +3 Inventory Slots. 
11. Quick Fingers: You have advantage on DEX Saves to pickpocket people. You can steal things directly out of someone’s hands with a regular (no advantage) DEX Save. 
12. Recorder Crow: You start with a crow. It can make and play auditory recordings. It responds to Record, Stop Recording, Play, Pause, Rewind, and Fast Forward. Max storage: 1 hour. It’s very smart. 
13. Redirect: Once per round, when an enemy attacks you, you can make a DEX Save to redirect their attack to another enemy they can hit. 
14. Second Chance: Once per lifetime, cheat death. 
15. Square Meal: Lunch heals you to full HP provided you pair it with alcohol. 
16. Tongues: 1/day Speak with d4: 1 Weapons, 2 Doors, 3 Birds, 4 Clothing
17. Tricky: Advantage on Gambits. 
18. Urchin: A street rat demands to learn. They’re a very sneaky hireling that doesn’t ask for pay. If you lose your urchin, you can recruit another wherever urchins are plentiful, but it will be difficult if you have a reputation for getting them killed. 
19. Watchful: You have advantage on DEX Saves for initiative. You can’t be snuck past. 
20. Wizardly Initiate: By tasting an object, you can tell whether or not it is magical. You have 1 MD that regenerates overnight. (You can’t memorize spells). 

They are also thieves (You can buy this as a shirt)

Design Notes

Thief should be, I think, the best class for new players. It should be as simple as possible, encourage shenanigans, and have room for variation in case multiple new players pick it. This class system—unique to my thief—hopefully does all three of those things.

Wall Crawler is a permission slip to get anywhere you like. It’s dead simple and fairly strong. It was inspired by a single passage in Veins of the Earth saying basically “let specialists [thieves] climb without rolling,” which I’ve turned into the core of the class. Scrounge is a consistent way to provide players with an extra tool for free: my first thief found 10 Hallucinatory Berries on their first use of the ability and they have proven incredibly useful for wizard-sabotage and bishop-assassination already.

The other abilities are invented or collected from various other thieves and thief-like classes. Every thief gets a unique combination of them, depending on what they pick and what they roll. My current thief player chose Dog Whisperer and rolled Second Chance; neither has seen a ton of use yet, but she was happy with both.

Lexi’s Thief and Scholar for Mimics and Miscreants at A Blasted, Cratered Land are based on this Thief, if you want to see two more takes on this concept. She posted hers before mine because I’ve been sharing GLOG classes on the OSR Discord for a while now for people to use and modify, but I’m only just now beginning to post them here.

I am a huge fan of knife+gun. It is just so cool (Darkest Dungeon is rad)

Just a real cool design (Darkest Dungeon is rad)

I don't have huge problems with bards as a class but this guy is knifey enough to count as a thief, too (Darkest Dungeon is rad)

Pretty clearly a thief who picked Dog Whisperer at template B (Darkest Dungeon is rad)

Concentrated Early 2000s Energy: Klyntar (GLOG Class, Parasite Challenge)

I hope you're ready for some really dumb comic stuff because Venom is absurd and I love it (Venom #4, cover illustrated by Mike McKone)

I wrote this class as an entry in the informal Parasite Class Challenge on the OSR Discord! It's a hub of GLOG activity; a real buzzing, twitching lump of creativity. There are more events like this to come.

Klyntar (Symbiote)

For every Klyntar template you have, increase your HP by 1.

A: Alien Biology, Fashion Goop, Powerful Grip
B: Internal Arsenal, Lose Control, Nemesis
C: Skullcruncher, Host Hopper
D: Extra Limbs, Improved Arsenal

Alien Biology
You play a goopy alien symbiote attached to a regular person. You take double damage from fire. You take 1d6 damage per round from very loud or high-pitched noises. You must eat raw meat for rations to heal from lunch. You must eat sapient brains, sedatives, or chocolate to heal STR damage (negative HP in the GLOG). Mental effects only affect one of your two minds—the symbiote or the host.

Fashion Goop
The symbiote can mimic any clothing, recoloring it to its own color scheme. It can’t mimic the effects of armor, but it can mimic its appearance, and all symbiote clothing counts as Chain armor.

Powerful Grip
You have advantage on grappling and climbing.

Internal Arsenal
You can reshape your limbs at will into any light or medium mundane melee weapons.

Lose Control
When you hit 0 HP, you lose control. You automatically heal 1d6 HP and your symbiote clothing counts as Plate Armor. You must attack every round. You are terrifying to look at. You may attempt to regain control with a 2-in-6 chance every round. You can’t lose control more than once per day.

Nemesis
Pick another member of the party to be your nemesis. When you lose control, you must treat them as a dangerous enemy—you can focus on other enemies first, but if you kill all other enemies before regaining control, you must attack your nemesis.

Skullcruncher
When you kill an enemy in melee, you can eat their head to regain 1d4 HP.

Host Hopper
You can separate the symbiote from the host, controlling both separately. The original host loses 1 HP per round without the symbiote. The symbiote can attempt to take control of another creature, which gets a Save to resist; if they fail, the Symbiote can control their actions. If they succeed, the Symbiote’s player still controls their actions, but they must work toward the temporary host’s immediate goals, which the DM must provide. They can do so inefficiently. The Symbiote must Save to disconnect from a host that passed their own Save. Success or failure, the symbiote can talk telepathically to the temporary host while attached. If the original host dies, the symbiote must Save or die every day, even when attached to a temporary host.

Extra Limbs
You can extrude up to two extra limbs. In Moonhop, when holding multiple weapons, roll damage dice for each and use the highest result.

Improved Arsenal
You can reshape your limbs at will into any mundane weapon (light, medium, heavy, melee, ranged). It still takes two limbs to make a two-handed weapon.

I mean, really, the sheer density of early 2000s energy in this image is enough to kill a small elephant
(Venom Vol 2 #38, penciled by Kim Jacinto and colored by Lee Loughridge)

Design Notes

Since it’s such a recent creation, this class is, of course, completely untested, and probably too powerful by the time you reach max level. To start with, though, you’re a well-armored climber, grappler, and fashionista  with several serious weaknesses—fire is common and dangerous, and long term healing requires special supplies.

At level 2, Internal Arsenal lets you smuggle weapons anywhere you like and switch your loadout to whatever best suits the situation. You also get Lose Control, a Rage-like ability that only activates in serious danger and carries a downside: enmity with your Nemesis.

At level 3, Skullcruncher grants unreliable in-combat healing and Host Hopper provides mind control, but with a downside—the potential death of your true host, the only one that can really sustain you. If you get “captured” by the temporary host, you can still hinder them and learn some of what they want, which is pretty neat. Other classes and items have abilities that could mitigate the risk to your real host.

Finally, at level 4, you really get dangerous: you double the number of weapons you can hold with Extra Limbs and greatly expand the categories with Improved Arsenal to become a walking cache of weapons. Notably, however, you don’t ever get a true Extra Attack, which I’m hoping will mitigate the power of being able to use two halberds or four pistols.

I mean, come on, isn't this just the coolest stupid idea ever? Don't you look at this, recoil a little, and then lean in? 
(Spider-Gwen Vol 5, cover illustrated by Khary Randolph) 

This. This is my favorite one. I own this comic and it is stupid, edgy, and ridiculous, and it is the best thing ever 
(Venomverse #1, penciled by Iban Coello and colored by Matt Yackey)

A fantastic OSR party if ever there was one (Venomverse #1 Variant Cover by Gustavo Duarte)

FIGHT (GLOG Fighter)

I will take any excuse to use Darkest Dungeon character art (Darkest Dungeon wiki)

I’ve written close to two dozen GLOG classes, but most of them just sit moldering in a folder. It’s time to fix that.

Fighter

For every Fighter template you have, increase your HP by 1.

A: Cleave, Parry
B: Tricky, Rally
C: Sentinel, Threat Assessment
D: Extra Attack

Starting Equipment: One Weapon of Your Choice, Chain Armor (2 Inventory Slots, 1 Armor)

Cleave
When you kill a creature or roll max damage, you can make another attack.

Parry
When an enemy attacks you, you can sacrifice a piece of combat equipment (weapon, shield, armor) or fancy clothing to reduce the incoming damage by 1d6.

Tricky
Advantage on Gambits. Gambits are added to attacks. Say what you’d like to do (“I disarm the goblin”) and what will happen if you fail (“the goblin gets a free attack”). The GM has final say. Save (STR in this case) to try the gambit. You still deal damage regardless of the Save (like regular attacks).

Rally
Add +[templates] to Hired Hand Morale Saves.

Sentinel
Once per round, when an enemy leaves your melee range, you can attack them.

Threat Assessment
For every 10 minutes looking at or 1 round fighting a person or creature, you can tell one of: how many HD it has (roughly equivalent to level), how many mundane attacks it has, and how much damage each attack deals. Additionally, if it’s a person and you make eye contact, you can tell how many sapients they’ve killed: None, One, or Many.

Extra Attack
You can attack twice in each round.

Spear and shield is an underused combo, I think (Darkest Dungeon wiki)

A Noble Line (of Fighters)

The lineage of my GLOG Fighter is an interesting one, so I’m going to talk about it before my notes on my class. We start with Arnold K’s Goblin Guts Fighter, which is notable for inventing (for GLOG purposes) the ability Notches: as Fighters gets kills with specific weapons, those weapons get stronger.

Next in line is Skerples’ Fighter. Unlike Arnold’s Fighter, this one gets an Extra Attack at first level, due to the ambiguity of “+1 Attack” in the original Goblin Guts Fighter (I asked Arnold and it actually means +1 Attack Stat). Since most GLOG Fighters are based off of Skerples’, though, that small misinterpretation has rippled out to most of the GLOGosphere. Extra Attack *is* a good Fighter ability, though, so its popularity is not unwarranted.

Now we’re at my first Fighter. I moved Notches to first level, since I like classes that get their primary unique features at first level. I moved Extra Attack to second level, since it’s very strong. I moved Parry to third level, since I wanted my fighters a bit less survivable. This is the only version of the class I’ve had played in one of my games, and I concluded two things: Notches is too slow and abstract and Extra Attack is still too strong that early.

Before I move on to my version of the class, I need to make an honorable mention of zoeology31's Fighter; it rolls a d20 after each kill, and if the number is under the weapon’s Notches, the Fighter gets a new ability. I played in her campaign, which had a couple fighters, and it worked quite well.

Design Notes

Fighter is one third of the THIEF - FIGHTER - WIZARD triad, the Primary Classes at the top of my class list. I think a well-designed Thief is the best class for new players (they can be simple and still encourage shenanigans), but Fighter comes in second place for sheer simplicity, so I kept the ability list static (my Thieves are randomized and my Wizards use schools).

Now, for a review of the class itself. It hasn’t been tested yet, but I feel good about it.

Stat Buff and Starting Equipment
HP makes Fighters a bit tougher, as does Chain Armor (statted out for Moonhop). https://twogoblinsinatrenchcoat.blogspot.com/2019/01/moonhop-oddhack.html Getting your choice of starting weapon is fairly powerful on its own, especially in campaigns where guns are available.

Cleave
It’s sorta like Extra Attack Lite. I’m writing all my classes to be compatible with Moonhop, which doesn’t have attack rolls, so instead of “activates on crits and kills,” Cleave activates on max damage and kills. That means that low damage weapons Cleave more often, which I choose to treat as a feature rather than a bug.

Parry
I came up with this version of the ability as I was writing this post; I don’t like the 1/day damage reduction parry because it would be the only limited-use ability my Fighter gets, and I like consistency. This version was inspired by the popular Shields Shall Be Splintered houserule. I’m hoping that making it a class-limited ability with lower damage reduction will balance out the more frequent, equipment-limited use.

Tricky
Gambits are a catchall for risky things like grappling and targeted shots. My hope is that by making this ability strong, Fighters will go out of their way to do gambits, reminding the other players that they exist.

Rally
Impress is an ability that makes Fighters better with hirelings, but I don’t think I’ve ever had players in a situation where they could use it. I’m hoping this simpler hireling buff will be more useful and encourage all players to use hirelings, much like Tricky could encourage all players to use gambits.

Sentinel
When I’ve played 5e, I’ve found that reaction attacks really slow things down and confuse new players, and they also make it very difficult to make a fighting retreat. New players are important to me, as are fighting retreats, so I removed them from the main rules. It’s a fun class ability, though; it makes Fighters feel like badass combat experts.

Threat Assessment
Wizards get the ability to tell whether things are magical by touching them. It’s a useful ability, but a lot of the time it provides enough information to freak your players out and not enough to actually help them. My hope is that this ability will do the same when the party encounters a kindly old grandma with Many kills.

Extra Attack
It’s a very powerful ability. Between Extra Attack, Cleave, and Sentinel, my Fighters get a LOT of attacks, so they could be very overpowered. I tend to make most of my classes too powerful, I think, although they haven’t seen a ton of testing so far.

BE HELLBOY! or: the Sanctioned Cambion--a GLOG Class

So, Dan over at Throne of Salt wrote a Hellboy class for dB/dX games. In the grand tradition of the GLOG, I decided to adapt it (with his permission). The class was already quite close to GLOG format; I just added Fan the Hammer, tightened the wording, and ordered the abilities. Without further ado, here’s the class:

I haven't read any Hellboy yet, but he sure does look cool (image via IGN)

Sanctioned Cambion

For every Sanctioned Cambion template you have, increase your HP by 1.

A: Infernal Heritage, Leadfoot
B: Blessed Lead, The Gitchy Feeling
C: Drawing Out the Devil, Ember Eyes
D: White Sacrament, Fan the Hammer

Starting Equipment: Revolver (d6 exploding on 6, offhand, 6 shots)

Infernal Heritage
Take half damage from mundane fire and embodied demons. You are immune to seduction.

Leadfoot
You’re heavy, as though made of stone. It’s difficult to move you or knock you down. Most humans can’t do it at all, and you roll with advantage against stronger creatures. You sink.

Blessed Lead
Keep up to [templates] bullets primed to deal triple damage to possessive demons (and none to their hosts). It takes a day to prepare one bullet.

The Gitchy Feeling
Sense the presence of demons and spirits within 60’, and (roughly) their numbers and strength.

Draw Out the Devil
Force incorporeal demons to Save or be trapped in an object. If you know the demon’s true name, it has disadvantage on its Save.

Ember Eyes
With a bit of light, you can see 30’ in the dark (no color). Your eyes glow like hot coals.

White Sacrament
With an hour long ritual, you and your allies can enter a pocket of hell and strike at the blackened soul of a manifested demon. For every HP you sacrifice, your allies all get +1 damage on their next successful attack. If you are killed, everyone is trapped in hell.

Fan the Hammer
You can fire your revolver as many times in one attack as it has bullets remaining, but use only the best roll for the actual attack.

Here’s a neat trick: you can set a google doc so that anyone with the link can view it, then get a shortened URL and QR Code attached to that link, then print those things out. An iPhone's camera, Android's Google Lens, and Snapchat can all read QR codes. That lets everyone at the table look at the doc on their phones without printing a bajillion copies or emailing them the link. You can just print the QR and show it to them. This link goes to my google doc for the Sanctioned Cambion, which will update if I make any changes.

https://goo.gl/RYzzS9 

Like I said earlier, this class is mostly not mine, but I do have some commentary on the abilities and changes I made.

Ability Ordering: I spread the three applied exorcisms out over the last three levels and the infernal bits out over all of the levels. That way, the Sanctioned Cambion grows in power both with their hellish abilities and as a demon hunter, which is pretty cool.

Infernal Heritage: Reduced the fire immunity to resistance, because I’m not a fan of total immunity.

Leadfoot: Removed the math from it, because less math is better.

Blessed Lead: This is the same--Dan updated his version to match mine.

The Gitchy Feeling: Added a range specification.

Drawing Out the Devil: I didn’t want to bother with turning tables, and Save scales with power anyway.

Ember Eyes: I worded this one to match my thief ability.

White Sacrament: I don’t like spell activation effects, so I converted it to simple HP-for-damage.

Fan the Hammer: This ability is an original. I tried to word it so that it would make sense in both the GLOG and Moonhop. I considered giving the class an Extra Attack, but I decided that infringed too closely on Fighter Territory. I’m proud of this ability, though--it lets players mess with crit/exploding damage chance, if you use those things, and practically guarantee a hit at the cost of using a lot of ammo.

So, I’ve written 15 other classes, but I posted this most recent addition first because it was easy to write commentary for. I think I want to say more about the other stuff I’ve written, but I also don’t feel like writing it down right now, so they remain unposted. If you do want to see them, you should hang around on the OSR Discord, where I workshop and share my stuff regularly.

Moonhop (an Oddhack)

EDIT:  Moonhop is now for sale on DriveThruRPG for $2.99!

It will remain here on this blog for free as well, so you can download it and see what it's like before  paying.



Here it is! I’ve been workshopping this on the OSR Discord for a while now and I think I’m happy with it. It’s a hack of Into the Odd (paid version, free version), with GLOG-style races, failed careers, and a bunch of player-facing rules, including classless GLOG Magic, a new-ish set of Hexcrawling speed rules, and weird Hireling Squad rules.

Click the image or this link.

Moonhop Failed Careers: A Knight and a Cowboy Walk Into the GLOG

Here’s some more Moonhop.

That's what Into the GLOG is called now; I’m committing to the implied setting. Today, I’m posting Failed Careers (modeled after James’) to go with the Race table I made. Era die size determines max starting era: d12 for Orbital (default), d10 for Digital, d8 for Modern, d6 for Industrial, d4 for Medieval, and skip the first die for Ancient. Many of the failed careers are “forwards compatible,” so you can update equipment where necessary to avoid anachronism (like an Aristocrat in an Orbital setting basically still makes sense if you call the weapon a Laser Rapier). That said, I’m going to use older failed careers exactly as written, even in Orbital settings, for reasons enumerated below.

First, an explanation of the weapon notations as I use them. I'm not totally confident in this method of sorting weapons, but it'll give you a basic idea of each weapon for now.

dX: Damage, Applied Automatically
Armor X: Reduces Damage by X
OH/MH/BH: Offhand, Mainhand, Both Hands
You can hold up to 2 OH, or 1 MH/1 OH, or 1 BH
Throw: Can be Thrown for Full Damage
Xpld: if damage rolls listed value, add another die
Shots: How many shots before reload
Ignite: Save or d6 every turn until success
Jump: if damage rolls listed value, roll damage against nearest target

d12 (Era)	d12	Failed Career	Weapon	Another Thing
1-2 Ancient	1	Astrologer	Augury Knife (d6, OH)	Spyglass
	2	Baker	Rolling Pin (d6, OH)	Delicious Bread
	3	Brewer	Dagger (d6, OH, Throw)	Beer Urn
	4	Embalmer	Excerebration Hook (d6, OH)	Canopic Jar
	5	False Prophet	Gnarled Staff (d6, MH)	Devoted Disciple
	6	Farmer	Scythe (d6, OH)	Ox
	7	Gladiator	Trident (d8, MH)	Net
	8	Outlander	Greataxe (d10, BH)	10 Hallucinatory Berries
	9	Prisoner	Manacles (d6, OH)	Funny Looking Rock
	10	Scribe	Chisel (d6, OH)	Salacious Love Clay Tablets
	11	Shepherd	Crook (d6, MH)	Sheep
	12	Soldier	Spear (d8, MH, Throw)	Shield (Armor 1, OH)
3-4 Medieval	1	Aristocrat	Rapier (d8, MH)	Fancy Clothing, Too Much Chin
	2	Barber-Surgeon	Scissors (d6, OH)	Wig
	3	Blacksmith	Hammer (d8, MH)	Chain Mail (Armor 1, 2 Slots)
	4	Cultist	Wavy Dagger (d6, OH)	Pint of Blood
	5	Falconer	Crossbow (d8, BH)	Falcon (3 HP, d6)
	6	Flagellant	Scourge (d8, MH)	Horrific Scars
	7	Forester	Bow (d6, BH)	Bear Trap
	8	Grave Digger	Shovel (d8, MH)	Sack of Dirt
	9	Jester	Scythe (d6, OH)	Belled Hat
	10	Minstrel	Quarterstaff (d6, OH)	Lyre
	11	Nun	Stick (d4, OH, Throw)	Roller Skates
	12	Squire	Wooden Sword (d6, MH)	Shield (Armor 1, OH) with Heraldry
5-6 Industrial	1	Banker	Flintlock (d6 xpld 6, OH, 1 Shot)	Sack of 30 Counterfeit Coins
	2	Chimneysweep	Barbed Wire Broom (d8, MH)	Endless Soot, Insufferable Accent
	3	Clockmaker	Screwdriver (d6, OH)	Pocketwatch
	4	Cowboy	Revolver (d6 xpld 6, OH, 6 Shots)	Dynamite (4d6, Save for Half, 20' Radius)
	5	Factory Laborer	Hammer (d8, MH)	Tattered Rags
	6	Fireman	Fireaxe (d8, MH)	Bucket of Matches
	7	Gambler	Flintlock (d6 xpld 6, OH, 1 Shot)	Deck of Cards
	8	Mercenary	Rifle (d8 xpld 7-8, BH, 1 Shot)	Chain Mail (Armor 1, 2 Slots)
	9	Milkmaid	Stool (d6, OH)	Bucket of Milk, Smallpox Immunity
	10	Oil Baron	Flintlock (d6 xpld 6, OH, 1 Shot)	3 Wine Bottles of Crude Oil
	11	Revolutionary	3 Molotovs (d6, OH, Ignite, 10' Radius, Throw)	Pamphlets Decrying Status Quo
	12	Street Magician	Brass Knuckles (d6, OH)	Top Hat, White Rabbit
7-8 Modern	1	Actor	Prop Sword (d6, MH)	1 Bunch Flowers
	2	Athlete	Javelin (d8, MH, Throw)	Pole Valuting Pole
	3	Boy Scout	Pocket Knife (d6, OH)	50' Rope
	4	Detective	Snubnosed Pistol (d6 xpld 6, OH, 6 Shots)	Trenchcoat with Deep Pockets
	5	Mafia Thug	Tommy Gun (d6 xpld 1-2, BH, 3 Shots)	Ragged Suit
	6	Philosopher	Book (d6, OH)	Pack of Cigarettes
	7	Photographer	Camera Stand (d6, MH)	Film Camera
	8	Pilot	Revolver (d6 xpld 6, OH, 6 Shots)	Flak Vest (Armor 1, 2 Slots)
	9	Professor	Metal Meterstick (d8, BH)	Pipe, 3 Smokes of Tobacco
	10	Prostitute	Whip (d6, MH)	Restraints
	11	Spy	Butterfly Knife (d6, OH)	1 Dose Lethal-If-Ingested Poison
	12	Stoner	Tree Branch (d8, BH)	6 Joints
9-10 Digital	1	Audio Engineer	Boom Mic (d10, BH)	Boombox, 1 min Audio Storage
	2	Chemical Engineer	Carbon Steel Knife (d8, OH)	Industrial Explosives (6d6, Save for Half, 40')
	3	Drug Dealer	Uzi (d6 xpld 1-2, OH, 3 Shots)	1 Packet Crack
	4	Hacker	Taser (d8, OH)	50' Programmable Blinking Lights
	5	Legislator	Cane Gun (d6 xpld 6, MH, 1 Shot)	1d100 Bribe
	6	Pizza Delivery	Hubcap (d6, OH, Throw)	6 Pizzas
	7	Plumber	Pipe Wrench (d6, OH)	Large Bottle of Glue
	8	Roboticist	Shoulter-Mounted Robot Arm (d8, OH)	Camera Drone, 1 Hour Battery
	9	Student	Bookbag (d6, MH)	1d10,000 Crippling Debt
	10	Tech Support	Pipe Wrench (d6, OH)	Paired Radios, Unmitigated Rage
	11	Weatherman	Brass Knuckles (d6, OH)	3-Day Weather Predictor
	12	Zookeeper	Spiked Electric Cow Prod (d10, BH)	Necklace of Teeth
11-12 Orbital	1	Anti-Riot Police	Shotgun (2d4 xpld 4, BH, 6 Shots)	Riot Shield (Armor 1, OH), 3 Smoke Grenades
	2	Bionic Surgeon	Cauterization Dagger (d8, OH)	Bionic Eye and Viewing Pad
	3	Bureaucrat	Silenced Pistol (d6 xpld 6, OH, 6 Shots)	Blackmail on Local Leader
	4	Geneticist	Invalid Trophy (d6, OH)	Mutant Baby
	5	Hooligan	Bat with Nails (d8, MH)	Hoverboard
	6	Laser Engineer	3 Laser Pointers (2d6, OH, 1 Shot Ever)	3 Flexible Mirrors
	7	Scrapper	Crowbar (d6, OH)	Strong Electromagnet
	8	Space Pilot	Laser Pistol (5d6, OH, 1 Shot Ever)	Bottle of Whiskey
	9	Spaceship Engineer	Coil Pistol (d6 jump 6, OH, 6 Shots)	Blowtorch
	10	Supersoldier	Assault Rifle (d8 xpld 1-3, BH, 6 Shots)	Battle Armor (Armor 2, 4 Slots)
	11	Survivor	Rusty Knife (d6, OH, Throw)	Irradiated Jeans, Irradiated Genes (Sterile)
	12	Warlord	Spiked Scepter (d8, MH)	Outfit with Too Many Spikes (Armor 1, 2 Slots)

And now a quick aside about the world of the video game Rimworld:

In Rimworld, humans fly around their arm of the Milky Way at sublight speeds in cryosleep, colonizing planets. Every time a planet gets to a certain tech level, it either becomes a singularity and cuts off contact with everyone OR it nukes itself into ruins. That’s not the end, though: eventually, survivors rebuild from the stone age up. This has been going on for a long time. In the actual game part of Rimworld, you manage a colony of people whose cryosleep ship has crashed into a world on the rim of the arm of the Milky Way. Your characters get a random childhood and a random adulthood, and they don’t even have to be from the same tech level: you might get a medieval serf kid who grew into a spacefaring mercenary, or a gene-modded super soldier child who grew up to be a librarian.

So basically, I’m trying to do something similar here. Every moon is at a different tech level, so player characters can be from any tech level, presumably abducted into space. Humans get two failed careers, so most of them will actually be transplants from one tech level to another, which is neat. A game might start with a Barber-Surgeon, a Cowboy, and a Hacker sharing a last drink before a lethal dungeon-delve. That’s good shit.

Also I realized that I had left off a major inspiration for Moonhop: Enter the Gungeon, which is just fantastic all around. It’s super gonzo, it oozes charm and fun, and it still manages to pull off interesting, melancholy NPCs. It also has a great implied world, one very similar to what I’m trying to build here, with lots of anachronism and desperate adventurers blundering around the universe. I’ll probably do a more in-depth post on it at some point in the future, separate from Moonhop.

Starbound isn't currently on the list of inspirations, but I love it a lot and at some point
I'll realize some fundamental piece of Moonhop is lifted from it (Lili Ibrahim)

This image was like two months of controversy in the Starbound community, you have no idea (Starbound)